BaaBaa black sheep 🤷‍♀️

Second born to a teenaged mother with an 8th grade education.  

Her hostility toward me was open and obvious. 

I wore the badge of black sheep with honor. My older brother never quite accepted my choices. He even told my first husband not to marry me because I wouldn't be obedient... looks like first hub should have listened 🤫 

Although R and I both "jokingly" referred to me as the black sheep, he didn't really want it to be more than jest. He pushed for building bridges, conservative man of faith that he was.  

It was only he after died that I realized without him, that bridge was an illusion. 

I was trying to keep the peace with people who didn't really care.

I've learned this in 

The most hard and painful way in the almost decade since he's been gone.  

(2x4 to the face painful)

I felt obligated to 'family'  

Who likely felt the same obligation. 

His death the weight 

I felt certain I couldn't bear.  

It guess was the perfect storm because 

In the years since,  

I have found myself seeing everything

and everyone through new eyes.  

I feel like I want to add that

I ABHOR saying "he died" because that makes it sound like something natural when, in fact, he died by the most heinous homicide at the hands of his 18yr old son. He didn't die. He was TAKEN.