Sunday, January 27, 2019

Consistency can be a Challenge with Chronic Illnesses

I'm trying to make posting a more consistent thing. Struggling because every time I decide I'm well enough to blog, my chatty mind begins to ramble, making it appear any attempted post would end up several thousand meaningless words, thrown up in an attempt to be "worth" being read, which leads to no post at all. Reality tells me 3 words are as important as 300, and nobody really needs to read the words for my feelings to be valid. This is about purging thoughts rather than hanging onto them. Part of my life now, going forward, is about just expressing it and being able to move on. 
So.... here are some pics I took this week. Every morning, I open the drapes to let in natural lighting, then I watch the bird feeder traffic for a while, as my body wakes and whines itself back to upright. 
This is some of what I get to see...

Friday, January 25, 2019

oops. I did it again...

Slipped yester~eve, around 5pm. Getting back into truck after visiting ATM. Right foot on runner, left foot up in truck. Right  foot slips completely off of runner, hits ground, continues pulling me into splits. Hanging onto seatbelt strap. Regain footing, ripping pain on right side. hip/low back. muscle throbs immediately. Get home, pace for about 45 minutes because I could not fathom lifting my leg to climb onto my bed. Began icing as soon as I lay down, knees propped up... 20 minutes on ice, 40 off. Repeat as necessary. Smoked about 4 puffs before even attempting to lay down. Thankful for cannabis to help take off the edge, but I'm immediately aware that I'm going to be dealing with pain levels of 8, even AFTER cannabis, for however long this hangs on. 
The night was long, and painsomnia is REAL people. This morning I tried my Epsom and essential oils soak in the tub. It was not very pleasant. But I had to try. When I got up this morning, (notice I didn't say when I "woke") I noted right away that although my "injury" was on the right side, I'm now feeling it all of the LEFT side. (experience hints that my left side pulled to "correct" the tweak from my slip, because my back is in a spasm on the left.)
I'm holding my breath and "puffing" a lot. I used to be oblivious to that behavior until it was pointed out. Today, it's annoyingly obvious. Coping mechanisms are strange. I was new ones. After my replacement body arrives. Then I'll work on my quirks.
I'm nervous. Who knows whether "this" will be the time it cannot resolve without medical intervention. Now. First time without insurance since President Obama's plan saved me. Now effective 12/31, boom! No household income, no benefits. And, here. Wipe out, hurt your back...Welcome to 2019 in America.

Wednesday, January 9, 2019

Do you ever miss me?

I've been passing time over~thinking a lot lately. Chronic illness is a lonely place. But lately, it's been YOU that sneaks into my thoughts. It's been a long time since we've seen one another face to face. I just wonder whether you also think of me. And what you might be thinking if you DO. I miss being in your life. Samesies? Or pass?