How are we doing? Not well 😐

That the burden falls solely on me, someone already living with a post viral illness feels rather unjust... 

The reality of post viral illness isn't pretty

This article was taken from Instagram and although they're not my words,  they're worth sharing.  

I'd consider myself somewhat of an expert on the general topic of post viral illness. I am, after all,  the long term patient. 

(struck with virus mid March 2007, I've never recovered, although the virus was gone within 10 days, a plethora of symptoms remained)

On and on...

My perception of others

 is forever altered.

 If you're in the "lets pretend it's harmless and ignore precaution guidelines" camp, then yes, I'm talking to you. 

I'm still wearing a mask because I deserve protection from further illness.... I'd urge you to do the same.

Survival mode was never a choice....

What you don't seem to understand is that survival mode was never a choice.  My chronic illnesses make the rules. 

I know what role you played... and so do you

Time for a brain dump~ This won't make sense to anyone but the squirrels in my head 😏

Two conflicting things can be true at the same time.  

I can be desperate to escape my current reality,  and still have good memories from the past.  The real reason it seems like I'm not talking about the "good times" is because I'm actually stuck in the bad times. But my kids are the only thing I've done that I can claim any amount of success.  So I can't fathom feeling regret on the journey to having them. 

Things can change,  and trauma can cause a person to become someone you no longer recognize. 

That's a neutral statement, I'm aware who has caused harm to you,  although that's not an excuse for your cruelty toward people who didn't hurt you. 

Truth is,  the loss of my brother forced me into growth that's not subsided since. 

I'm unlearning everything it seems. It's the most phenomenal, bittersweet thing I've ever experienced. It's also teaching some painful lessons. Not everyone wants to grow. So many people fade into the shadows, even as I silently begged them to stay. I'm only responsible for myself,  so I can't keep anyone who doesn't want to be kept.  It feels lonely sometimes.  

I just know it's going to get better.  I survived my childhood,  I can survive this hardship.  😌