Tuesday, November 17, 2020
The last 'gathering' was march 13th. My grandma's funeral, in case you wonder. I was late. Long drive, muddied with delays. I was already in a flare, so the 2.5 hr drive was torturous. Arrived late, sat down, ten minutes later, it was over. 💔 Got back in the car for the return ride home. Threw up all the way home. (Sorry, Sam, for that memory) Never really processed the loss. I'm just now realizing. 😢
Since that day, there's been nothing. I haven't seen my dad face to face since the funeral. He's over 70. I don't know when it'll be safe to see him.
Gatherings are no longer.
March 13: My son closed on his first home. I've yet to see it.
My baby turned 18. Zero fanfare.
My firstborn turned 30.
We last saw one another Christmas '19.
*Mothers Day and my Birthday
*My baby graduates high school, without ever returning from spring break in early March. Zero fanfare.
Daughter turns 29
My son's wedding was supposed to be in October. It's now going to be next year.
We're now approaching yet another 'holiday' that won't be celebrated as in the past.
No wonder I feel this way.
Friday, September 11, 2020
Don't tell me I am being too cautious.
Are you KIDDING?!? We've literally got audiotapes that prove the faux President lied about covid19. It can trigger M.E.
I already HAVE M.E.
I don't want ANYONE to get this life sentence.
You're entitled to your opinion, but the facts don't give a shït about your opinion.
I'm so tired.
I'm so disappointed.
Thursday, August 20, 2020
Wednesday, August 19, 2020
Saturday, August 1, 2020
In theory, people pleasing should be a positive thing.
The biggest flaw with my line of thinking only came to light AFTER decades of non-reciprocated people pleasing.
(Fuck that "do unto others" shit, btw. It's too often one-sided)
Continuously enabling by saying to myself "they'll meet me on my level when they're ready" will leave you depleted.
Some people have NO desire, or perhaps lack the capacity, to meet you on your level.
Upon reflection, I saw my entire life in a new light.
I realized that when I NEEDED someone, the room was empty.
I had begun to resent my open heart.